


The Ghost of You

by Queenofthebees



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, Jons weird ass face during boatsex inspired this, Pining, UndercoverloverJon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 20:09:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12218037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: By the gods, he was a depraved man when even now, when he had a woman regarded as the most beautiful and desirable in the world beneath him, he could still only think about his sister.





	The Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> So my friend pointed out that Jon's face during the boat scene was pretty much identical to his face when he was resurrected (I don't know, I've not watched the scene since). The heavy breathing, the blinking, the look of utter conflict as to why he was where he was. So naturally, we decided that this was a route to a story where Jon is so in love with Sansa he can't go through with the whole boatsex thing. A GIRL CAN DREAM ALRIGHT!  
> Also, despite not liking Dany much, I tried really hard not to make her a villain or too awful in her reaction to Jon's behaviour.  
> This is just a short one-shot but I might continue it at some point.

He closed his eyes tightly when he caught a flash of blue eyes in the dim light. But the image just burned brighter behind his eyelids, like the brief image of hair that shone like copper in the torchlight that flashed in his mind. His breath came out in harsh pants, his lungs gulping for air like he had when he was first brought back all those months ago.

Looking at the woman beneath him was leaving him conflicted. He felt like he did when he was first brought back, the feeling of this being wrong, the feeling that he shouldn’t be here, was just as strong now as it had been that day.

It made no sense. Daenerys was a beautiful woman, he would have to be blind not to see the beauty in her. Even now, her eyes were soft with concern as she takes in his distress. Her violet eyes were almost blue in the dim light.

It was that which had set him off in a panic.

Because this was not who he wanted to have beneath him. By the gods, he was a depraved man when even now, when he had a woman regarded as the most beautiful and desirable in the world beneath him, he could still only think about his sister.

“Are you alright?” Daenerys asked, her hand cupping his cheek. Jon jerked away as though burned, his eyes wide as he moved further back until he was standing at the foot of the bed. Daenerys sat up with a frown.

“I…I can’t,” Jon mumbled, moving to pick his breeches up from the floor. Daenerys’ frown deepened.

“You were the one who came here,” she said with a huff and Jon grimaced. Daenerys was understandably confused about what he was doing, coming to her chambers like this, it was a cruel game to play. He was being selfish using Daenerys’ obvious attraction to him in order to try and get the image of Sansa out of his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking at her with apologetic eyes as he fastened his breeches and grabbed his jerkin. Daenerys pursed her lips as she regarded him but she didn’t stop him from walking out of her chambers.

He slammed the door shut, taking a deep breath as he ran his hand across his beard and through his hair. He had thought he could do it, play the game like Sansa had told him to and be smarter than Robb and father. He thought he could pretend, force through the deed if it meant securing Daenerys’ support. And again, wasn’t that cruel in itself? Daenerys had her flaws like everyone else, she had a temper that was downright terrifying. But did she deserve to have her feelings toyed with like this? Wasn't it just going to make her wrath worse and put everyone in danger?

True, it wasn’t the first time he had played a game to get what he wanted. He had loved Ygritte but he had betrayed her trust too. Hadn’t he made her believe he had forsaken his vows, tricked her into believing they could have stayed together?

And Winterfell and Sansa, they were like the cave. Ygritte’s words ringing in his ears had never sounded so true when he thought of home and Sansa’s smile.

He never should have left.

 

 


End file.
